Friday, September 24, 2010
COMING SOON!
So it's about time for me to work on my next big project. Starting October 8th, I'm going to be posting up letters to people who I feel or felt that i should right to. A lot has happened in my life within the past few months and right not I am posting this blog in my new home. I;ve lost a lot of friends, and gained a lot of memories, my hearts broken, my mothers turned her back on me, and still to this day I have a slimmer of hope that things will get better. All I can do is hope and pray, maybe one day I will smile again, hopefully the Cloudz will bring more than just rain. I need to focus on what really makes me happy and brings peace to my already overworked mind, and thats my writing. I have to put all the pain, all the emotions, all the feelings into something other than the box inside of my heart because I am honestly going mad. I'm depressed, I'm hurt, and I need to get my life going back to the happy times. I have nothing to lose, it's past trying to get up in the world, it's honestly about becoming happy. I need a little sunshine back in my life, I just gotta find a way to get it. So with that, I say keep your eyes open fellow dreamers; it's going to be a bumpy ride..-Cloudz
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
She Lied, She Cried, She Died
I once fell for a girl who was pregnant with secrets, she gave birth to many lies, and aborted many tries. I could tell by the way her eyes looked away that she was the one for me, and about evryone else in the hood. She left her mark wherever she went, and every nigga who had the right bark could mount her like bitch she was, keep your tounge out hoe, dont worry about me and the fact that this faithful nigga was doing nothing more than going to school. I had the impression that i couldnt see you as much because your parents were strict, but it was because you were out rounding up the hounds. Spreading your milkshake to everybody's yard, dam right, it was just the same as everyone elses, your was just easiest to get to. You had no unique flavor, no special toppings, you were just regular old ice cream, the same tub everyone took a spoonful or two or five out of. Put your top back on, I dont wanna see that. She lied, she lied to make sure I didn't find out why i couldn't reach her after five. She lied, so that i would treat her like something special, nothing like the rest. She lied, right next to the same guy who she told me was just a friend, nothing more, you don't even know his number off the top of your head. Shame how young and stupid i could be. She not only knew his number, but she was one of his numbers, a number whom he could call on frequently like it was the lotto, he won every time. Lucky pick or is he cheating the system. I cant blame him, he is not at fault, he is not the one who lied; lied with everyone except me, I was too caught up in making you happy, and not pressuring you into something you werent ready for. But, you lied, and everytime she lied, she went home and cried.
She cried because it's the same old story, she just couldn't stop herself from being just another number to be picked in the lottery, the same lottery that made her the way she is now, the addiction, the pain, the broken heart, the cold like ice water emotions, she cried because she knew how hard i tried, i kept thrusting my heart into her dagger, and she kept thrusting, and thrusting, and thrusting, until the climatic splatter on the bed right next to her finally appears. She couldn't help but stop the abuse of her most open wound, it burns like wildfire, not because the man she lied with did anything wrong. No, her soar burns because she is the abuser, she is the rapist, she is the monster, how could she ever face it. She cried because she was killing someone slowly, with each thrust, someone who showed her that love was possible, that she could be treated right, that a relationship was more than sex. She cried because she knew if she told me I would die, my spirit would dissapate, my body weaken, my heart dissinegrated, my anger peaking. She would rather rot in the lowest depths of hell, than to let me find out because she knew that i would be gone for good. She cried because she knew the rain would storm on her for the sin she willingly commited. She cried because, with this secret, this pregnant secret, she died.
She died, everytime she looked in the mirror, she couldnt bare the sight of another whore plauging this world, proving to men throughout the world that women are just another playing to rub their balls on from time to time. She died, because she felt the embarrassment of having every guy she lied to me about in her mouth, then dare try to say "I Love You" with those same infected lips. She died, because she couldn't bare to keep this going, she wanted to start all over, and make things right. She died because every single dude she tried to let go of made her stay so that they wouldnt dare tell me about the abuse she put on herself, the unforgivable sins brought up from the lusting eyes, the dissapointment, an attempts of life. She died because she couldnt take the rumors, the names, the reputations, the hardships of everyone knowing that the one you love, is not the same one you lied with. She ded because she couldnt deal with the pregnant secrets but she could only give birth to lies, and abort memories, miscarry love, and fall out of faith. She died because the knife seemed lik such a great place to start over and get away from all the men she lied with, but she just didnt knwow how to explain to me, why she was leaving. Because, I ate the apple off the trees, then tried t take down the whole garden before you could find out why, there is no apples on my tree. She died, every day while she cried, because she lied, she dies a little bit more inside. So instead of dying, little by litte, she would rather have it all, and get it out of the way, now.
She died, because she cried, because she lied.
I woke up saw the letter apologizing, love, apreciation, trust, respecet..they are all there, which breaks my heart to tell her, that i found out about everything weeks ago, and i wrote her a letter explaining why i cried, because the woman i love, cheated, stole, and lied with everyone else, so while yu llied with other niggas catching your fix like a junkie, i was across the town lying up a storm so that i can get my daily fix, just like you.
She Lied, I Cried, We Died...
She cried because it's the same old story, she just couldn't stop herself from being just another number to be picked in the lottery, the same lottery that made her the way she is now, the addiction, the pain, the broken heart, the cold like ice water emotions, she cried because she knew how hard i tried, i kept thrusting my heart into her dagger, and she kept thrusting, and thrusting, and thrusting, until the climatic splatter on the bed right next to her finally appears. She couldn't help but stop the abuse of her most open wound, it burns like wildfire, not because the man she lied with did anything wrong. No, her soar burns because she is the abuser, she is the rapist, she is the monster, how could she ever face it. She cried because she was killing someone slowly, with each thrust, someone who showed her that love was possible, that she could be treated right, that a relationship was more than sex. She cried because she knew if she told me I would die, my spirit would dissapate, my body weaken, my heart dissinegrated, my anger peaking. She would rather rot in the lowest depths of hell, than to let me find out because she knew that i would be gone for good. She cried because she knew the rain would storm on her for the sin she willingly commited. She cried because, with this secret, this pregnant secret, she died.
She died, everytime she looked in the mirror, she couldnt bare the sight of another whore plauging this world, proving to men throughout the world that women are just another playing to rub their balls on from time to time. She died, because she felt the embarrassment of having every guy she lied to me about in her mouth, then dare try to say "I Love You" with those same infected lips. She died, because she couldn't bare to keep this going, she wanted to start all over, and make things right. She died because every single dude she tried to let go of made her stay so that they wouldnt dare tell me about the abuse she put on herself, the unforgivable sins brought up from the lusting eyes, the dissapointment, an attempts of life. She died because she couldnt take the rumors, the names, the reputations, the hardships of everyone knowing that the one you love, is not the same one you lied with. She ded because she couldnt deal with the pregnant secrets but she could only give birth to lies, and abort memories, miscarry love, and fall out of faith. She died because the knife seemed lik such a great place to start over and get away from all the men she lied with, but she just didnt knwow how to explain to me, why she was leaving. Because, I ate the apple off the trees, then tried t take down the whole garden before you could find out why, there is no apples on my tree. She died, every day while she cried, because she lied, she dies a little bit more inside. So instead of dying, little by litte, she would rather have it all, and get it out of the way, now.
She died, because she cried, because she lied.
I woke up saw the letter apologizing, love, apreciation, trust, respecet..they are all there, which breaks my heart to tell her, that i found out about everything weeks ago, and i wrote her a letter explaining why i cried, because the woman i love, cheated, stole, and lied with everyone else, so while yu llied with other niggas catching your fix like a junkie, i was across the town lying up a storm so that i can get my daily fix, just like you.
She Lied, I Cried, We Died...
Love, My Greatest Power
It is my strength, it is my passion; my lifelie, my reason for life. I never gave up , bacause i knew it was there; I search for heaven, while I was in hell. It myakes my earth move, it helps me soar thru the skies, its why my wing are spread, its why the hate is dead, its why i open my eyes, its why i cry. It is my greatest strength, it is my fat kids cake. It is my blood, it is my warmth. It is the reason I do what i do, it is the reason I am who I am. What is this strength, this power that grows inside of meever second of my life. It fills me up with so much passion, so much faith, so much fear, so much hate. The jealousy of it going away, I want my power to stay mines, and never go away. It is mine, no one else can have it; It is mine, you wont accept it; IT IS MINE, if I let go I'll regret it. Regret it like the day I let you go, but now your here again and me without it, I wouldn't cope. It is my faith, it is my driving forse, it is my motivation, it is my voice. I cant even explain the emotions that have been introduced to me by it, its like a new born robin thrown into a pond full of snakes, and gators. Swollowed whole by those who constantly prey on my poer, my strength. I AM NO SUPERMAN! Cryptonite cannot harm me, bullets flick my chest, knives bend on my thumb, fire is just a slight breeze. My power, my gift, my strength, my invinsibility is love. Love is the reason why I can see, yet be so blind. Love is the reason I can be so happy, then be alone and cry. Love is the reason I get up in the morning, but die at the end of the nite, love is the reason I appreciate, love is the reason im jealous. Love is the reason I could move mountains, then become weakened after a simple call. Love is why I live, it is my ultimate goal, love is..love is...love is love, my greatest power
Switched Roles
Since when did women become the hoes, and only one was what men chose. Since when did women choose lust, and men wanted that tux. Since when did the sins of perfect wives stay the secrets of that one night. Since when did men stay up alone and waited for her to come home. Why did the roles switch up? I thought the men were the dogs, I thought we were the ones breaking hearts, I had so much hope for my heart. I made it a practice; to always do the right thing, to never stray away, to never up and keave. I never expected this, a woman act like this? Throwing it like its the flesh between my legs, I'm bound to change her ways. Right? Because thewoman I love and care for so much, just needs a real man who wouldn't dare do wrog by her. Because the woman I love so dearly, needs a man who would hold her at night, tell her how much he loves her, how much he cares, how much he needs her, how much he hope they could move off and have kids. How could the woman hi love so much, be someone she swears she's not? she swore she loved me, she swore she care, she swore on her life that she needed me, she swore she wouldn't dare. She swore, she swore, she swore, fuck that she lied. I did everything; EVERYTHING i could to show her that I was different. That I was the one who would take away her past pain., I wanted to show her that there was a different way. But unfortunetely, she kept a promise that she didn't plan on keeping. For the first time I cried, i Cried, I cried, not because she lied, not because she cheated, not because I hated her, not because I loved her, I CRIED BECAUSE SHE PROVED ME RIGHT. About all women, about love, about how everything I ever tried so hard to prove wrong. She proved me right. She proved every nigga who said "BITCHES AINT NO GOOD" or "A WOMAN IS JUST ANOTHER HOE, SHE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME TO PROVE IT," right. I guess i gave too much time, but if you think about it, it is my fault, I should have been smart, I should have known. You woman out there talking about how you just gonna act like a dude because one nigga did you wrong; I have a question for you: what happens when you find the guy who wouldn't do you wrong? What happens when you do him like that one guy did you?..here is what happens, trust me I would know. He cries as hard as he has eevr cried before, blames everything on himself, gets so passed depressed that he seriously thinks about ending it all, call the woman who hurt him, cuss her out, literally get everything he can out of him. Then says this, "FUCK LOVE, I'M JUST GONNA WORRY BOUT ME AND DO WHAT I DO, GET PUSSY" and then BAM!..the cycle starts cuz he is gonna find a girl who is perfect for him, then will become the guy to hurt her. NOthing ever goes right with spite, nothing ever goes right when people hurt others, nothing ever goes right with anything...Fuck love everybody, seriously, its a waist of time..
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Apology From Love
So, I ask you all to do me one favor before I drift off into the abyss of the dreamt up lie we love to call "sleep;" why do you all care so much about such an insignificant being as such as I?..why do you all care for anyone as a matter of fact?..You care for them as if they will be there forever, when in reality, not even family can stop a person from leaving. So why? why am i still here in my life when i am pretty sure i have brought you all pain?..when i am sure I've cause your deepest wounds, I've made you cry your hardest tears, and bring alive your worst fears. I'm so sorry, for all the pain you have been apart of, i just wish i could make it up to you, i just wish i could change...
-the emotion, the feeling, the pain, the curse, the one and only, Love
-the emotion, the feeling, the pain, the curse, the one and only, Love
What is Heaven, if You Are the Only One There?
To the blind; life is bliss, the world is a rare gem, an eternal glimpse. Everything is gold, the brand new never turns old, the rivers feed the rain, no one is ever in pain.I once was blind, but thought i could see, the world was wonderful, holy water was the sea. I thought rainbows were candy, the snow was ice cream, i was happy, but that was before sight was given to me. One day everything changed, my world was not the same, my sun was not shining, my blue skies turned gray. My trees had no foliage, and the grass was all but dead, i saw a world that wasn't, not the world i was fed.I wondered around hopelessly, and wept in the streets, until a young boy with compassion looked unto me. "What is your name, and where are you from?" I replied, "I am Cloud, the Daydreamer from earth." He look astonished by the words i just said, we went on to say "Welcome to heaven, your Earth is dead."
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Life Romeo and Juliet..
When conflicts arise, and families collide;
A million and one cries, while friends choose sides;
Every time they try, a piece of them dies;
Because every single try, is ended with a million and one cries;
Whispers of blasphemy, coming from mouths of the wise;
Cursed names, against their son’s wives;
Dam you frail heart, for you cannot be fixed;
Dam you brave soul, for you cannot be tricked;
What do you do, when the world says give up?
Do you roll over and die, or do you stop giving a fuck;
They say be happy, and let your hearts live free;
But only when moms not around, so it’s best not to be seen;
I promise, I swear;
I guarantee, I care;
Ill always love you my dear, but your family doesn’t care;
The real Romeo and Juliet, the real tragedy;
The real love, the pain of rivalry;
Why do they deserve, such a horrible fate?
Because mistakes are their enemy, progress cannot be made;
So here they are, stuck in a rut;
Unable to love, but love won’t let up;
If only one wish, one wish could come true;
Is thy young Juliet’s, dream of Romeo come true.
A million and one cries, while friends choose sides;
Every time they try, a piece of them dies;
Because every single try, is ended with a million and one cries;
Whispers of blasphemy, coming from mouths of the wise;
Cursed names, against their son’s wives;
Dam you frail heart, for you cannot be fixed;
Dam you brave soul, for you cannot be tricked;
What do you do, when the world says give up?
Do you roll over and die, or do you stop giving a fuck;
They say be happy, and let your hearts live free;
But only when moms not around, so it’s best not to be seen;
I promise, I swear;
I guarantee, I care;
Ill always love you my dear, but your family doesn’t care;
The real Romeo and Juliet, the real tragedy;
The real love, the pain of rivalry;
Why do they deserve, such a horrible fate?
Because mistakes are their enemy, progress cannot be made;
So here they are, stuck in a rut;
Unable to love, but love won’t let up;
If only one wish, one wish could come true;
Is thy young Juliet’s, dream of Romeo come true.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Judas-Brutus-Nigga
The Cloudz are rollin, but the happiness is gone
no autographs please cuz my hat's still off
to yu an yu and possibly yu
i thank yu guys for making it come true
goodbye normal lames, hello yu famous fucks
my life is not the same, this fakeness is too much
they told him to watch his back and keep his head up
funny how the same one who said that stabbed him up
bloods on the handle, the dagger's logged in
the wound is too deep for him to come back again
he always had a feeling he always had a thought
but he forced himself doubt, he allowed all the cuts
but a dagger has been introduced and the game has changed
i wonder if he could ever face his Judas the same
not even 30 pieces of silver was enough for him to stop
Judas kept pushing the dagger forward and his smile never stopped
what is a Judas, or a Brutus, or just a flaw ass nigga
all three attempted to kill greatness but made the great bigger
so ima say it from now, as if to save face
thank you Judas-Brutus-Nigga for making me great..
no autographs please cuz my hat's still off
to yu an yu and possibly yu
i thank yu guys for making it come true
goodbye normal lames, hello yu famous fucks
my life is not the same, this fakeness is too much
they told him to watch his back and keep his head up
funny how the same one who said that stabbed him up
bloods on the handle, the dagger's logged in
the wound is too deep for him to come back again
he always had a feeling he always had a thought
but he forced himself doubt, he allowed all the cuts
but a dagger has been introduced and the game has changed
i wonder if he could ever face his Judas the same
not even 30 pieces of silver was enough for him to stop
Judas kept pushing the dagger forward and his smile never stopped
what is a Judas, or a Brutus, or just a flaw ass nigga
all three attempted to kill greatness but made the great bigger
so ima say it from now, as if to save face
thank you Judas-Brutus-Nigga for making me great..
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Cupid's Resignation Letter
You may not notice, but I have wings on my back. You may not notice, but I have small bow and heart shaped arrows. You may not realize, but I am none other but the one and only Cupid. I am the angel of love, I am the archer of passion, and the one that makes you realize that you need that heartwarming love in your life. There are times when this job is easy, and there are times where it becomes rather challenging. The easy part is making people fall in deeply, passionately, horribly, deathly, and all sorts of –ly’s in love; making you realize how much you want that special person around at all times, having them on the tip of your ever-so-picky tongue. That feeling where you have to stop and think “Dam I really can’t be without them?” yea that’s me, my fault, you happy? I really don’t care, simply because it’s not my job to care. It’s actually a game to me; I just shoot randomly and watch the disaster that happens thereafter. If you haven’t felt that way yet, well I apologize for being late. I mean can you really expect me to be on time, I have over 6 billion people throughout the world to take care of. Be patient my friend, I’ll be there soon. Yes, there are perks to this job; I get every Valentine’s Day off, what did you think I worked every day of my immortal life? Cupid needs his free time also. I make people do THE most embarrassing things for love; I make total imbeciles fall for hideous cretins, just for laughs. Note to self: never piss Cupid off, I’m a very spiteful person, actually I don’t even know what I am; I could be human, or I could be an angel, hey I could be some demonic monster sent to destroy lives. Who knows, all I know is that I give people love. It can actually be a very fulfilling job; I get to bring happiness and passion into people’s lives. I get to inspire people to do the impossible simply because they love someone.
I genuinely loved this job, but “loved” is a past-tense, that’s the problem. Lately, I’ve been having this abnormal feeling in the bottom of my belly; it’s an empty feeling. I feel as if I am longing for something special of my own. It’s like everyone is loving someone else, and being loved right back. If I could, I would use the magic arrows on myself, but sadly I’m immune to its effects. They told me when I first started, “Cupid’s are never allowed to find love!” After centuries of helping people fall in love, I can’t even get a simple “like?” I’ve created, demolished, separated, and brought together literally billions of couples, over and over again; yet, I get nothing in return but some tiny ass wings that barely work. Man, this some bull-I'm a Christian. When I accepted this position, I had no idea that I wasn’t allowed to fall in love. Well if that’s the case…I QUIT!
NO MORE MESSING AROUND;
NO MORE MEANINGLESS RELATIONSHIPS;
NO MORE BEING A “BOUTIT”…ok maybe a little bit
But in all seriousness, I am tired of not feeling the great passions and tremendous emotions that come with love. I don’t want to be everyone Cupid anymore, why can’t someone else be my Cupid for once. I guess you’ll just have to take my wings away from me, and this crappy bow, and these borderline gay arrows also. I’m finished; find another Cupid, because this one is done...
I genuinely loved this job, but “loved” is a past-tense, that’s the problem. Lately, I’ve been having this abnormal feeling in the bottom of my belly; it’s an empty feeling. I feel as if I am longing for something special of my own. It’s like everyone is loving someone else, and being loved right back. If I could, I would use the magic arrows on myself, but sadly I’m immune to its effects. They told me when I first started, “Cupid’s are never allowed to find love!” After centuries of helping people fall in love, I can’t even get a simple “like?” I’ve created, demolished, separated, and brought together literally billions of couples, over and over again; yet, I get nothing in return but some tiny ass wings that barely work. Man, this some bull-I'm a Christian. When I accepted this position, I had no idea that I wasn’t allowed to fall in love. Well if that’s the case…I QUIT!
NO MORE MESSING AROUND;
NO MORE MEANINGLESS RELATIONSHIPS;
NO MORE BEING A “BOUTIT”…ok maybe a little bit
But in all seriousness, I am tired of not feeling the great passions and tremendous emotions that come with love. I don’t want to be everyone Cupid anymore, why can’t someone else be my Cupid for once. I guess you’ll just have to take my wings away from me, and this crappy bow, and these borderline gay arrows also. I’m finished; find another Cupid, because this one is done...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Emotion, Feeling, Pain Pt.1
I would like to introduce the first installment of many to come. This is Emotion, Feeling, Pain; this is a series dedicated to exploring different emotions and feelings through the eyes of someone feeling it. WARNING: The feelings being described can be very disturbing. Children, ignorant people, and weak minded folk should NOT read. Seriously I tried to make these feel as real as possible. It's been to the point where i really found some dark places in my mind that i shouldn't have ever gone to. You know that one dark alley that would always scare you to go down, but you were always so curious about what was down there? Well, luckily this cat wasn't killed, but its been beat up. Well don't let me discourage you from reading, people say that they really are good, just keep in mind I was in a dark place writing these. Oh well, hope you guys enjoy and give me some feed back dammit! 8]
Look at him; why dat nigga smilin’ so hard? He better be happy…fake ass nigga. Swear he da shit, I bet he soft too. I wish that nigga would come up to me and say somethin’, I WISH A NIGGA WOU-oh hey what’s up?.....I let him slide for today, he aint want this; yhats why he was actin all friendly. Straight up, fuck dat nigga. His flaw ass aint never gonna amount to shit. You hear that? SHIT!!! You aint shit, I FUCKIN’ HATE YOU!! Don’t you aask me why, you already know what the fuck you did. You wanted to act all “I’m too good for the world,” and look down your nose at us. What? Yall don’t agree with me?..Well fuck you all too, I HATE ALL OF YOU!!! Why? Cuz yall let a flaw ass, pussy ass, turn your back on your home ass nigga!..fuck you and your happiness; I got my own problems to deal with, no I do not have the fancy clothes and the fancy car, with the nice shoes, and the six figure checks. You wanna know why?..Cuz I aint turn my back on my people, I stayed in the middle of all the gun shots from glocks and uzi’s, I’ve put my family in harms way so that I could keep it real..you just dint get it, do you?..I hate you brcause I uh..because you uh..because they uh…I hate you because..you’re so happy. I don’t hate you, I hate me; I hate not having what you have, not doing what you do, not having your talents..i hate you so much because I hate me..I HATE ME!!! I cant let anything go, I’m always jealous, I cant stop thinking about how good you have it and how hard you worked to get there. I hate me so much; it just hurts to eaven think about it. my house is not big, my name isn’t out there, you are truly happy, and I am truly hating every bit if it. dam you and all your happiness, fuck my exsistance in the world, the world in which I hate…
USELESS:
I AM USELESS! I can’t do anything right, I’m a waist of life and space. My mother doesn’t want me in her house; she says I waist all her money and the minute I turn 18 I’m out of here. Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? I’m good for nothing, absolutely nothing. I will never accomplish anything, I will never be happy; I will always be a loser. CAN NOBODY SAVE ME?! Somebody PLEASE, save me...save me…save me…everyone hates me; no one loves me, I’m a cancer to peoples lives and I feel like I must take the chemo that is in my hand and end this cancer from my families body. My brother calls me names and pokes fun at the fact that I’m over weight. I’m 5’6 and 120 pounds, why can’t I be 100? My father constantly constantly beats me, for no reason at all, but that I’m a fuck up and I deserve it. My older cousin used to be my best friend but I was so stupid to think that I could be beautiful, that’s why he taught me that lesson that night. That’s why he ripped my soul off of me, that’s why he stuck his blade inside me and made me bleed my innocence out all over the bed. I wanted it right? That’s what I get for trying to be beautiful, I’m just another ugly bitch who can’t do shit right. I should just die and save everyone the trouble of dealing with me. I AM NOTHING, I AM SHIT, I AM USELESS. Fuck up, straight up, what up? Not me, I’m down, way down, to the ground, under the corpse of the world, so low the devil is pushing me back up because not even he wants me around. Maybe death will solve all the problems, maybe this mighty blade will heal everyone’s troubles, maybe the red sin pouring from my veins could paint the picture of happiness for everyone. I am no longer welcome here, I am no longer blessing, I am the epitome of depression, I am the ghost of sadness, I am a butterfly without wings, a fly in a spiders web, a missing child. I am…
Emotion, Feeling, Pain...
HATIN’:Look at him; why dat nigga smilin’ so hard? He better be happy…fake ass nigga. Swear he da shit, I bet he soft too. I wish that nigga would come up to me and say somethin’, I WISH A NIGGA WOU-oh hey what’s up?.....I let him slide for today, he aint want this; yhats why he was actin all friendly. Straight up, fuck dat nigga. His flaw ass aint never gonna amount to shit. You hear that? SHIT!!! You aint shit, I FUCKIN’ HATE YOU!! Don’t you aask me why, you already know what the fuck you did. You wanted to act all “I’m too good for the world,” and look down your nose at us. What? Yall don’t agree with me?..Well fuck you all too, I HATE ALL OF YOU!!! Why? Cuz yall let a flaw ass, pussy ass, turn your back on your home ass nigga!..fuck you and your happiness; I got my own problems to deal with, no I do not have the fancy clothes and the fancy car, with the nice shoes, and the six figure checks. You wanna know why?..Cuz I aint turn my back on my people, I stayed in the middle of all the gun shots from glocks and uzi’s, I’ve put my family in harms way so that I could keep it real..you just dint get it, do you?..I hate you brcause I uh..because you uh..because they uh…I hate you because..you’re so happy. I don’t hate you, I hate me; I hate not having what you have, not doing what you do, not having your talents..i hate you so much because I hate me..I HATE ME!!! I cant let anything go, I’m always jealous, I cant stop thinking about how good you have it and how hard you worked to get there. I hate me so much; it just hurts to eaven think about it. my house is not big, my name isn’t out there, you are truly happy, and I am truly hating every bit if it. dam you and all your happiness, fuck my exsistance in the world, the world in which I hate…
USELESS:
I AM USELESS! I can’t do anything right, I’m a waist of life and space. My mother doesn’t want me in her house; she says I waist all her money and the minute I turn 18 I’m out of here. Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? I’m good for nothing, absolutely nothing. I will never accomplish anything, I will never be happy; I will always be a loser. CAN NOBODY SAVE ME?! Somebody PLEASE, save me...save me…save me…everyone hates me; no one loves me, I’m a cancer to peoples lives and I feel like I must take the chemo that is in my hand and end this cancer from my families body. My brother calls me names and pokes fun at the fact that I’m over weight. I’m 5’6 and 120 pounds, why can’t I be 100? My father constantly constantly beats me, for no reason at all, but that I’m a fuck up and I deserve it. My older cousin used to be my best friend but I was so stupid to think that I could be beautiful, that’s why he taught me that lesson that night. That’s why he ripped my soul off of me, that’s why he stuck his blade inside me and made me bleed my innocence out all over the bed. I wanted it right? That’s what I get for trying to be beautiful, I’m just another ugly bitch who can’t do shit right. I should just die and save everyone the trouble of dealing with me. I AM NOTHING, I AM SHIT, I AM USELESS. Fuck up, straight up, what up? Not me, I’m down, way down, to the ground, under the corpse of the world, so low the devil is pushing me back up because not even he wants me around. Maybe death will solve all the problems, maybe this mighty blade will heal everyone’s troubles, maybe the red sin pouring from my veins could paint the picture of happiness for everyone. I am no longer welcome here, I am no longer blessing, I am the epitome of depression, I am the ghost of sadness, I am a butterfly without wings, a fly in a spiders web, a missing child. I am…
Thursday, March 4, 2010
D.O.F.
Over the years, we find those special few who become something more than just a friend or associate. these people are who we call our brothers, sisters, cuzzo's, kin folk, etc. In my last post, I talked about true happiness, well these people are the reason you smile everyday. These people don't judge you, control you, or let anything come between you. The ones who got yuor back, who will do anything for you. These are the people who can actually call your parents Mom and Dad without being looked at differently. They respect you and every dicision you make. They genuinely love you. The main problem with all of us is that we don't always know who those people are. Sometimes, we get so caught up trying to be cooly eith everyone, that we ignore who our real friends are. I've had a plethra of friends throughout my life, but none like the ones i have now. There are five people who have been there from the beginning, and who i want in my life forever; a spanish sweet heart, a lucky cereal, the biggest little blue man, a twin of an innocent angel, and the determined lion. No one came bfore them and no one can EVER replacethem or the love I have for them. We all have our own special groups of who we can't live without, but what happens when that friendship, that sppecial bond is tested?
"Our friendship could never break!" sure, until you are pissed off at each other. Unspoken bonds are broken, and hearts aretorn. The viens that lie inside the body of friendship, leaks the pain down the arms of anger, and the fukd up thing is that it was all caused by a mere paper cut. Nobody realizes how fragile a friendship can be, until it fails its test and is broken. Nobody appreciates the love between brothers, until they no longer speak. Nobody accepts the trust of sisters, until the wrath of the untamed tounge is unleashed. NOBODY realizes, NOBODY knows, NOBODY appreciates, NOBODY CARES!!! We let the simplest arguments break up an amazing friendship, we let our pride and anger come before love and respect.We destroy years of harmony, for what?...an argument?..Nobody thinks about what could happen, until your sitting in your room, alone, with pain in your heart, tears in your eyes, the same question "why did it have to be this way?," and the most amazingly special bond broken. This, my friends, is D.O.F....Death Of Friendship..
"Our friendship could never break!" sure, until you are pissed off at each other. Unspoken bonds are broken, and hearts aretorn. The viens that lie inside the body of friendship, leaks the pain down the arms of anger, and the fukd up thing is that it was all caused by a mere paper cut. Nobody realizes how fragile a friendship can be, until it fails its test and is broken. Nobody appreciates the love between brothers, until they no longer speak. Nobody accepts the trust of sisters, until the wrath of the untamed tounge is unleashed. NOBODY realizes, NOBODY knows, NOBODY appreciates, NOBODY CARES!!! We let the simplest arguments break up an amazing friendship, we let our pride and anger come before love and respect.We destroy years of harmony, for what?...an argument?..Nobody thinks about what could happen, until your sitting in your room, alone, with pain in your heart, tears in your eyes, the same question "why did it have to be this way?," and the most amazingly special bond broken. This, my friends, is D.O.F....Death Of Friendship..
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Pursuit of Happiness...
In the recent months I've learned a valuable lesson; happiness. Happiness is completely defined by yo and only you. Too many times, have people been too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks, or what everyone else feels is right for them. Honestly, no one can tell yo how to be happy because everyone has their own view on happiness. I say ignore what everyone says and do three things; follow your gut, follow your heart, and trust in God. With those three things I can bet that you turn out the happiest you've ever been. Don't let anyone else define who you are, you are your own person and no one should be able to take you away from that. People may ask, "Well Cloud what is happiness, and how will I know when I have it?"
First off, that was a very good question and I know you all were thinking it, lolz. Secondly, it's very different to describe happiness because each persons definition from another, it's like a finger print. Although there is no real definition, there are a few guidelines or signs that happiness is in your life.
First off, that was a very good question and I know you all were thinking it, lolz. Secondly, it's very different to describe happiness because each persons definition from another, it's like a finger print. Although there is no real definition, there are a few guidelines or signs that happiness is in your life.
- Your thought and definition of happiness should come from you and ONLY you. NO ONE should be telling you how you should live your life, how you should feel, what you should do, who you should be with, etc. Personally, I say fuk dem niqqas! lolz but seriously whatever you do in your life is between you and God. Your life is no ones business but yours and you should treat it that way. Does that mean shut everyone out of your life? Hell no!! It means don't let anyone judge you for what you do in your life.
- Happiness does NOT in any way HARM, HINDER, ABUSE, or DESTROY you. Just because you like doing drugs does NOT mean that you have happiness, it just means that you need something to make you feel happy when you should be naturally happy. True happiness makes you wake up each day with that extra pep in your step. It doesn't hurt you or anyone around you. Happiness can turn your life around, happiness can be the difference between "your fired," and "I love my job." Happiness can pull you thru the storms of life without a scratch on your head .
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