Cupid's Resignation Letter

You may not notice, but I have wings on my back. You may not notice, but I have small bow and heart shaped arrows. You may not realize, but I am none other but the one and only Cupid. I am the angel of love, I am the archer of passion, and the one that makes you realize that you need that heartwarming love in your life. There are times when this job is easy, and there are times where it becomes rather challenging. The easy part is making people fall in deeply, passionately, horribly, deathly, and all sorts of –ly’s in love; making you realize how much you want that special person around at all times, having them on the tip of your ever-so-picky tongue. That feeling where you have to stop and think “Dam I really can’t be without them?” yea that’s me, my fault, you happy? I really don’t care, simply because it’s not my job to care. It’s actually a game to me; I just shoot randomly and watch the disaster that happens thereafter. If you haven’t felt that way yet, well I apologize for being late. I mean can you really expect me to be on time, I have over 6 billion people throughout the world to take care of. Be patient my friend, I’ll be there soon. Yes, there are perks to this job; I get every Valentine’s Day off, what did you think I worked every day of my immortal life? Cupid needs his free time also. I make people do THE most embarrassing things for love; I make total imbeciles fall for hideous cretins, just for laughs. Note to self: never piss Cupid off, I’m a very spiteful person, actually I don’t even know what I am; I could be human, or I could be an angel, hey I could be some demonic monster sent to destroy lives. Who knows, all I know is that I give people love. It can actually be a very fulfilling job; I get to bring happiness and passion into people’s lives. I get to inspire people to do the impossible simply because they love someone.


I genuinely loved this job, but “loved” is a past-tense, that’s the problem. Lately, I’ve been having this abnormal feeling in the bottom of my belly; it’s an empty feeling. I feel as if I am longing for something special of my own. It’s like everyone is loving someone else, and being loved right back. If I could, I would use the magic arrows on myself, but sadly I’m immune to its effects. They told me when I first started, “Cupid’s are never allowed to find love!” After centuries of helping people fall in love, I can’t even get a simple “like?” I’ve created, demolished, separated, and brought together literally billions of couples, over and over again; yet, I get nothing in return but some tiny ass wings that barely work. Man, this some bull-I'm a Christian. When I accepted this position, I had no idea that I wasn’t allowed to fall in love. Well if that’s the case…I QUIT!

NO MORE MESSING AROUND;

NO MORE MEANINGLESS RELATIONSHIPS;

NO MORE BEING A “BOUTIT”…ok maybe a little bit

But in all seriousness, I am tired of not feeling the great passions and tremendous emotions that come with love. I don’t want to be everyone Cupid anymore, why can’t someone else be my Cupid for once. I guess you’ll just have to take my wings away from me, and this crappy bow, and these borderline gay arrows also. I’m finished; find another Cupid, because this one is done...