COMING SOON!

So it's about time for me to work on my next big project. Starting October 8th, I'm going to be posting up letters to people who I feel or felt that i should right to. A lot has happened in my life within the past few months and right not I am posting this blog in my new home. I;ve lost a lot of friends, and gained a lot of memories, my hearts broken, my mothers turned her back on me, and still to this day I have a slimmer of hope that things will get better. All I can do is hope and pray, maybe one day I will smile again, hopefully the Cloudz will bring more than just rain. I need to focus on what really makes me happy and brings peace to my already overworked mind, and thats my writing. I have to put all the pain, all the emotions, all the feelings into something other than the box inside of my heart because I am honestly going mad. I'm depressed, I'm hurt, and I need to get my life going back to the happy times. I have nothing to lose, it's past trying to get up in the world, it's honestly about becoming happy. I need a little sunshine back in my life, I just gotta find a way to get it. So with that, I say keep your eyes open fellow dreamers; it's going to be a bumpy ride..-Cloudz

She Lied, She Cried, She Died

I once fell for a girl who was pregnant with secrets, she gave birth to many lies, and aborted many tries. I could tell by the way her eyes looked away that she was the one for me, and about evryone else in the hood. She left her mark wherever she went, and every nigga who had the right bark could mount her like bitch she was, keep your tounge out hoe, dont worry about me and the fact that this faithful nigga was doing nothing more than going to school. I had the impression that i couldnt see you as much because your parents were strict, but it was because you were out rounding up the hounds. Spreading your milkshake to everybody's yard, dam right, it was just the same as everyone elses, your was just easiest to get to. You had no unique flavor, no special toppings, you were just regular old ice cream, the same tub everyone took a spoonful or two or five out of. Put your top back on, I dont wanna see that. She lied, she lied to make sure I didn't find out why i couldn't reach her after five. She lied, so that i would treat her like something special, nothing like the rest. She lied, right next to the same guy who she told me was just a friend, nothing more, you don't even know his number off the top of your head. Shame how young and stupid i could be. She not only knew his number, but she was one of his numbers, a number whom he could call on frequently like it was the lotto, he won every time. Lucky pick or is he cheating the system. I cant blame him, he is not at fault, he is not the one who lied; lied with everyone except me, I was too caught up in making you happy, and not pressuring you into something you werent ready for. But, you lied, and everytime she lied, she went home and cried.








She cried because it's the same old story, she just couldn't stop herself from being just another number to be picked in the lottery, the same lottery that made her the way she is now, the addiction, the pain, the broken heart, the cold like ice water emotions, she cried because she knew how hard i tried, i kept thrusting my heart into her dagger, and she kept thrusting, and thrusting, and thrusting, until the climatic splatter on the bed right next to her finally appears. She couldn't help but stop the abuse of her most open wound, it burns like wildfire, not because the man she lied with did anything wrong. No, her soar burns because she is the abuser, she is the rapist, she is the monster, how could she ever face it. She cried because she was killing someone slowly, with each thrust, someone who showed her that love was possible, that she could be treated right, that a relationship was more than sex. She cried because she knew if she told me I would die, my spirit would dissapate, my body weaken, my heart dissinegrated, my anger peaking. She would rather rot in the lowest depths of hell, than to let me find out because she knew that i would be gone for good. She cried because she knew the rain would storm on her for the sin she willingly commited. She cried because, with this secret, this pregnant secret, she died.







She died, everytime she looked in the mirror, she couldnt bare the sight of another whore plauging this world, proving to men throughout the world that women are just another playing to rub their balls on from time to time. She died, because she felt the embarrassment of having every guy she lied to me about in her mouth, then dare try to say "I Love You" with those same infected lips. She died, because she couldn't bare to keep this going, she wanted to start all over, and make things right. She died because every single dude she tried to let go of made her stay so that they wouldnt dare tell me about the abuse she put on herself, the unforgivable sins brought up from the lusting eyes, the dissapointment, an attempts of life. She died because she couldnt take the rumors, the names, the reputations, the hardships of everyone knowing that the one you love, is not the same one you lied with. She ded because she couldnt deal with the pregnant secrets but she could only give birth to lies, and abort memories, miscarry love, and fall out of faith. She died because the knife seemed lik such a great place to start over and get away from all the men she lied with, but she just didnt knwow how to explain to me, why she was leaving. Because, I ate the apple off the trees, then tried t take down the whole garden before you could find out why, there is no apples on my tree. She died, every day while she cried, because she lied, she dies a little bit more inside. So instead of dying, little by litte, she would rather have it all, and get it out of the way, now.







She died, because she cried, because she lied.



I woke up saw the letter apologizing, love, apreciation, trust, respecet..they are all there, which breaks my heart to tell her, that i found out about everything weeks ago, and i wrote her a letter explaining why i cried, because the woman i love, cheated, stole, and lied with everyone else, so while yu llied with other niggas catching your fix like a junkie, i was across the town lying up a storm so that i can get my daily fix, just like you.



She Lied, I Cried, We Died...

Love, My Greatest Power

It is my strength, it is my passion; my lifelie, my reason for life. I never gave up , bacause i knew it was there; I search for heaven, while I was in hell. It myakes my earth move, it helps me soar thru the skies, its why my wing are spread, its why the hate is dead, its why i open my eyes, its why i cry. It is my greatest strength, it is my fat kids cake. It is my blood, it is my warmth. It is the reason I do what i do, it is the reason I am who I am. What is this strength, this power that grows inside of meever second of my life. It fills me up with so much passion, so much faith, so much fear, so much hate. The jealousy of it going away, I want my power to stay mines, and never go away. It is mine, no one else can have it; It is mine, you wont accept it; IT IS MINE, if I let go I'll regret it. Regret it like the day I let you go, but now your here again and me without it, I wouldn't cope. It is my faith, it is my driving forse, it is my motivation, it is my voice. I cant even explain the emotions that have been introduced to me by it, its like a new born robin thrown into a pond full of snakes, and gators. Swollowed whole by those who constantly prey on my poer, my strength. I AM NO SUPERMAN! Cryptonite cannot harm me, bullets flick my chest, knives bend on my thumb, fire is just a slight breeze. My power, my gift, my strength, my invinsibility is love. Love is the reason why I can see, yet be so blind. Love is the reason I can be so happy, then be alone and cry. Love is the reason I get up in the morning, but die at the end of the nite, love is the reason I appreciate, love is the reason im jealous. Love is the reason I could move mountains, then become weakened after a simple call. Love is why I live, it is my ultimate goal, love is..love is...love is love, my greatest power

Switched Roles

Since when did women become the hoes, and only one was what men chose. Since when did women choose lust, and men wanted that tux. Since when did the sins of perfect wives stay the secrets of that one night. Since when did men stay up alone and waited for her to come home. Why did the roles switch up? I thought the men were the dogs, I thought we were the ones breaking hearts, I had so much hope for my heart. I made it a practice; to always do the right thing, to never stray away, to never up and keave. I never expected this, a woman act like this? Throwing it like its the flesh between my legs, I'm bound to change her ways. Right? Because thewoman I love and care for so much, just needs a real man who wouldn't dare do wrog by her. Because the woman I love so dearly, needs a man who would hold her at night, tell her how much he loves her, how much he cares, how much he needs her, how much he hope they could move off and have kids. How could the woman hi love so much, be someone she swears she's not? she swore she loved me, she swore she care, she swore on her life that she needed me, she swore she wouldn't dare. She swore, she swore, she swore, fuck that she lied. I did everything; EVERYTHING i could to show her that I was different. That I was the one who would take away her past pain., I wanted to show her that there was a different way. But unfortunetely, she kept a promise that she didn't plan on keeping. For the first time I cried, i Cried, I cried, not because she lied, not because she cheated, not because I hated her, not because I loved her, I CRIED BECAUSE SHE PROVED ME RIGHT. About all women, about love, about how everything I ever tried so hard to prove wrong. She proved me right. She proved every nigga who said "BITCHES AINT NO GOOD" or "A WOMAN IS JUST ANOTHER HOE, SHE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME TO PROVE IT," right. I guess i gave too much time, but if you think about it, it is my fault, I should have been smart, I should have known. You woman out there talking about how you just gonna act like a dude because one nigga did you wrong; I have a question for you: what happens when you find the guy who wouldn't do you wrong? What happens when you do him like that one guy did you?..here is what happens, trust me I would know. He cries as hard as he has eevr cried before, blames everything on himself, gets so passed depressed that  he seriously thinks about ending it all, call the woman who hurt him, cuss her out, literally get everything he can out of him. Then says this, "FUCK LOVE, I'M JUST GONNA WORRY BOUT ME AND DO WHAT I DO, GET PUSSY" and then BAM!..the cycle starts cuz he is gonna find a girl who is perfect for him, then will become the guy to hurt her. NOthing ever goes right with spite, nothing ever goes right when people hurt others, nothing ever goes right with anything...Fuck love everybody, seriously, its a waist of time..

Apology From Love

So, I ask you all to do me one favor before I drift off into the abyss of the dreamt up lie we love to call "sleep;" why do you all care so much about such an insignificant being as such as I?..why do you all care for anyone as a matter of fact?..You care for them as if they will be there forever, when in reality, not even family can stop a person from leaving. So why? why am i still here in my life when i am pretty sure i have brought you all pain?..when i am sure I've cause your deepest wounds, I've made you cry your hardest tears, and bring alive your worst fears. I'm so sorry, for all the pain you have been apart of, i just wish i could make it up to you, i just wish i could change...




-the emotion, the feeling, the pain, the curse, the one and only, Love

What is Heaven, if You Are the Only One There?

To the blind; life is bliss, the world is a rare gem, an eternal glimpse. Everything is gold, the brand new never turns old, the rivers feed the rain, no one is ever in pain.I once was blind, but thought i could see, the world was wonderful, holy water was the sea. I thought rainbows were candy, the snow was ice cream, i was happy, but that was before sight was given to me. One day everything changed, my world was not the same, my sun was not shining, my blue skies turned gray. My trees had no foliage, and the grass was all but dead, i saw a world that wasn't, not the world i was fed.I wondered around hopelessly, and wept in the streets, until a young boy with compassion looked unto me. "What is your name, and where are you from?" I replied, "I am Cloud, the Daydreamer from earth." He look astonished by the words i just said, we went on to say "Welcome to heaven, your Earth is dead."

The Life Romeo and Juliet..

When conflicts arise, and families collide;

A million and one cries, while friends choose sides;

Every time they try, a piece of them dies;

Because every single try, is ended with a million and one cries;

Whispers of blasphemy, coming from mouths of the wise;

Cursed names, against their son’s wives;

Dam you frail heart, for you cannot be fixed;

Dam you brave soul, for you cannot be tricked;

What do you do, when the world says give up?

Do you roll over and die, or do you stop giving a fuck;

They say be happy, and let your hearts live free;

But only when moms not around, so it’s best not to be seen;

I promise, I swear;

I guarantee, I care;

Ill always love you my dear, but your family doesn’t care;

The real Romeo and Juliet, the real tragedy;

The real love, the pain of rivalry;

Why do they deserve, such a horrible fate?

Because mistakes are their enemy, progress cannot be made;

So here they are, stuck in a rut;

Unable to love, but love won’t let up;

If only one wish, one wish could come true;

Is thy young Juliet’s, dream of Romeo come true.